A friend of mine is going through some rough times, at a crossroads. Talking with him made me take a step back from my own life. I am 24 years old. My life doesn’t look exactly how I’d hoped it would, but I’m pretty happy. Through some lite and heavy thinking I’ve come to the conclusion that perhaps this “happiness” has stunted my growth as a human being. I’ve become comfortable with this second rate way of life. I know, I know, this all sounds dramatic and I’m literally experiencing deja vu from my myspace blogging days of years past, but I may be on to something.
Ideally, my life would be different, but not much different. I would still have my close friends, the support of my family, a job that I like, but in the ideal world (under the hue of reality) things would be thriving. I would be creatively, mentally, spiritually and physically fulfilled. I would go out with friends not seeking a distraction from life, or some sort of reward for a week’s hard work, but it would instead be a celebration. I picture myself giving back to the community, exercising selflessness and leading by example, encouraging others to do the same. I see myself using my talents to build others up.
Living in LA and pursuing what some may consider the noble path of the arts, though it may sound artistically exciting to those back home, has not cut it for me. My life isn’t enough. I’m not where I want to be, and dwelling in the vicinity of that space is not enough.
My lifestyle needs a makeover, an evolution. Perhaps going out three+ nights a week has inhibited my performance in other ventures. I’m learning to be one who reveres and respects sleep for holy, otherworldly thing it is. Putting my gym membership to use might be a good idea. Living in the moment, listening intently when people talk, documenting my triumphs as small as they may be. Respecting my belongings and taking pride in where I lay my head. If I were in a relationship with myself, it wouldn’t be a healthy one, riddled with neglect, mistrust, and laziness. I think making these changes would change the way I value myself, and a healthy balance of self-esteem, humility, and confidence would naturally emerge.
I’ve always been one who enjoyed riding the high of the party, entertaining others, making them feel comfortable with themselves by not being afraid to play the fool. To put it simply, I’m ready for the next step. I’ve played the fool, been the fool, and I’m ready to be accountable for my own happiness…at least the pursuit of it.